Tuesday, December 9, 2014

Dick Cheney to Senate: Nobody Out-Evils Dick Cheney

In scathing comments regarding the recently released Senate Intelligence report on the CIA's torture of detainees, Dick Cheney lambasted the committee for ignoring his "singular role" in creating "the policies, culture and dubious legal cover" for the CIA's interrogation techniques.

While the report contends that CIA interrogators acted without authorization and outside the legal bounds of the programs approved by the Bush administration, Cheney insists that he was behind the torture of the terrorist suspects all along. "This idea that detainees were waterboarded, deprived of sleep or subjected to 'rectal hydration' without my knowledge is absurd, since everyone knows I practically invented rectal hydration," said Cheney.

Insisting that he would have "personally waterboarded every detainee in US custody, guilty or innocent," Mr. Cheney dismissed the claim that the CIA acted as a rogue agent in the aftermath of the September 11th attacks.

"Look, I think it's become pretty clear the most outrageously terrible ideas from the last Presidential administration were my idea. Nobody at the CIA could have come up with anything this ill-conceived and ineffective," said the former Vice President, adding, "Nobody out-evils Dick Cheney."

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